Hunter Nicole Lee

We were so excited when we learned I was having triplets.  The first time we saw those three tiny little bodies floating around like little astronauts in space kept me smiling from ear to ear for days.  The pregnancy was rough though- I was so tired and so huge so quickly.  Plus my insurance was going to change with the beginning of the new year.  The insurance I had didn't cover Good Sam hospital or their high-risk OBs who I had heard such great things about so I switched to my husband's insurance which did cover them.  I called the first day of January and was told to come in for an ultrasound.  Had I been with this group from the start I would have had the ultrasound around 16-18 weeks, they do it with multiple pregnancies to make sure everything is going well.  The first hi-risk OB I had actually laughed when I requested an early ultrasound just to check on everything- he said it would be an unnecessary expense! 

 

I went in not knowing that my life was going to be turned upside down.  The ultrasound was looking and chatting and then just sorta trailed off mid-sentence.  She told me to lay back and that she'd be right back.  As someone in the medical field I knew that wasn't a good sign.  I lay there trying to think calming thoughts when the doctor came in.  He basically said my cervix had begun to open up and the babies were literally slipping out.  Incompetnet cervix.  Such a stupid sounding name but that was the condition threatening the lives of my triplet babies. 

 

The doctor wanted to try an emergency cerclage, I had an amnio and was prepped for surgery.  They started me on labor-stopping meds although technically I wasn't in labor.  One of the meds caused fluid on the lungs so they had to stop that.  Oh did I mention they had to tilt me upside down to try and let gravity pull the amniotic sac back in where it belonged.  I was on strict bedrest for weeks, hoping and praying the babies would stay in where they belonged. My friend came to braid my hair and people from our church visited.  I got my attendings laptop and surfed the web for hours.  And of course watched tons of TV.  Anything was better than laying in my bed crying.

 

As time passed I was allowed to get up occassionally to go to the bathroom and after about 3 weeks was allowed to stand up long enough to take a shower instead of a sponge bath.  These little changes meant so much.  I was going stir-crazy and ached all over, laying in a hospital for days on end was sooo not comfortable.

Within a few days I could kangaroo hold AJ and Nathan.  That's when you hold them half naked against your naked skin covered by a blanket.  Your body heat and steady heartbeat helps keep them warm and improves their breathing and heartbeat.  I couldn't hold Hunter of course becase of the ventilator.  Actually I did get to hold her skin to skin once with the nurses and doctors carefully holding the ventilator and the IV lines in just the right place to prevent keep everything from disconnecting.

So I had a few days of relative freedom but then I'd had some bleeding, they think as a result of the emergency cerclage ripping apart, so back to strict bedrest.  Then back to being able to get up to go to the bathroom.  On the 11th, when I was still only 24 weeks, I felt strange and called the nurse.  The amniotic sac (and Hunter) had begun to push itself out.  It was very surreal- there were no contractions, no cramping or pain of any kind.  The doctor decided things were too far along to reverse and there wasn't too many other options available to stop things at this point anyway.  Keith arrived and I was wheeled to the C-section room.  The doctors were preparing for the delivery of three extremely premature infants so everybody and their grandma was in that sterile, cold operating room.

 

I was so upset, I knew the dangers of being so premature.  Basically 24 weeks is about as young as you can get and have any chance of survival.  As I lay there waiting for these babies I felt so guilty for ever time I had stood up since going into the hospital, for taking a shower instead of a stupid sponge bath,for not taking it easier early on in the pregnancy, just for everything.

 

I know Hunter is an angel.  Her delivery was completely painless.  No pain meds, no epidural- there was just no pain.  The doctor ruptured my membranes and told me to push and just like that my daughter was born.  She cried this pitiful little mewling sound and opened her eyes for just a second before she was whisked away to the pediatricians. 

 

So one corner of the room was this beehive of activity but meanwhile no other little ones were trying to make their appearance.  Hunter Nicole's brothers actually ended up being delivered 9 days later.  What a difference a few days made.

After being whisked away to the NICU Hunter was placed on ventilator, started on medications and had IVs for fluids.  Keith came and told me about her and how she was doing.  I wan't allowed to go down to the NICU for the first day or so.  I was on strict bedrest to help keep the other two babies from delivering.  I kept asking when would I be able to go down and see my baby.  The nurses brought me pictures of her but it wasn't enough.

 

After a few days, when the danger to my boys was less,  the nurses wheeled the whole hospital bed down to NICU so I could see her and not have to get up.  With skin like tissue paper and the tube in her airway for the ventilator I knew that neither Keith or me would be able to hold her.  She had to stay in her incubator.  I wanted to spend hours with her but with the big bed in the way of her caregivers I only had minutes.  It was incredible how small she was.  She could have literally fit in the palm of your hand.

Alex and Nathan made their appearance 9 days later.  They were only slightly bigger than Hunter.  They were carried away to the NICU just like Hunter.  At first I only got to see pictures that Keith or the nurses took.  I kept pestering the nurses and staff about seeing the boys and Hunter.  Once they decided I was okay then they let me see them. 

 

Three children all in incubators.  Hunter was hooked up to so many machines.  The boys just had a few IV lines and oxygen tubes although they still had the paper thin skin and tightly shut eyes.  We could touch them for a few seconds.  Actually when we touched them we put our whole hand on their back and held it there because patting or stroking them would not be as comfortable for them.

I knew we were approaching the end.  Every time the phone rang I was so afraid it was the hospital calling to tell us Hunter Nicole had died.  My biggest fear was that we wouldn't make it there in time and she would die alone.  They called us and we would rush in and watch them working so hard to bring her back.  It seemed like she would only open her eyes when she was crashing.

 

As the days went by new problems kept cropping up.  Hunter's organs were failing one by one.  She was a full code and despite gentle suggestions from the doctors and staff that perhaps we should be "less aggresive" I kept waiting for a miracle.  I kept waiting for a turn-around, some good news, a positive sign.  Nothing. Keith and I talked and cried and prayed.  The struggle became whether letting go was a betrayal of faith or an act of kindness and love.  For years they taught doctors that infants felt less pain than grown-ups did because their nervous system wasn't fully developed.  We know that's not true now.  Keith and I couldn't know how much pain Hunter Nicole might be in.  We did know how much pain we were in.

Passed away on March 8, 2002.